Roney says people are finding their own sense of personal etiquette as the old rules evolve to deal with developments such as divorce, intercultural celebrations and older brides and grooms.

"I think people are a little more realistic and less rule-driven these days," says Roney, whose site receives hundreds of wedding-related etiquette questions each day. "If it's causing more problems than it's solving, it's time to change the rules."

Still, everyone from your great-aunt Edna to your old college roommate will have certain expectations when it comes to proper behavior.

We asked three wedding experts to offer their views on some sticky subjects.

Cash and carry

Sue Winner, author of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Budgeting for Your Wedding" (Alpha Books, 2000), advises clients to steer away from cash bars.

"The rudest thing a host can do is expect a guest to pay at a party," Winner says. "It's in very poor taste."

The gift of giving

Let's say you'd prefer cash gifts. Does it make sense to not register?

"A girl who does not register is making a mistake," Winner says. "If you don't tell them what you like, people will buy you what you don't like."

You can still let close friends and family know that you'd prefer cash, and you can tell them to mention it to guests who ask. Businesses ranging from wedding Web sites to travel agents have come up with ways to "register" for everything from mortgage payments to honeymoons.

"The thing that makes it more graceful is if you want something special," Roney says.

Once you're registered, how do you tell people about it? The experts agree it's best to count on word of mouth, although informal save-the-date letters, newspaper announcements and wedding Web sites can also help spread information.

Winner says couples should not take stores up on their offers to send postcards to guests. "It's considered very rude to mail things out," she says.

Have a seat

Some say open seating is OK; others believe it spells doom for your reception.

It takes time to make a seating chart, but she says the effort will be rewarded: It's amazing what you can do with proper planning.

Roney has personal experience to back her up. "I had open seating and regretted every second of it," she says.

Winner prefers a seating plan, but she says it's all right to have open seating as long as there are enough chairs for everyone.

Saying thanks

Opinions vary with regard to sending thank-you notes.

Winner suggests that couples send notes within three months. Roney says you should plan to send them before your one-month anniversary.

But one thing is certain: Regardless of the timing, sending thank-you notes is a must.

"People take up to a year, and it's not wrong," Winner says. "It's never too late to say thank you."

© CTW Features